Holiday Ho-Hums

I really don't care for the holiday season. I did when I was a child because my family was around. I was the youngest of four and was much younger then they so Thanksgiving and Christmas was always a homecoming of sorts. My favorite part of those homecomings was seeing my brother, Jaimie, RIP. He was my best friend, my brother, my father, my mother, my tutor, my world when we were together. It was always our tradition to go to the movie theater on each holiday to see the latest blockbuster on the big screen. I tried to proliferate that tradition after his passing but it has never been the same. Mom's cooking is no more and being that special little sister has long since faded into my memory of youth. God, how can I still miss someone so much after so many years? My heart hurts as it did when I had to say bye to him after a homecoming. The tears still stream with heat down my cheeks when I remember our time together and at the great loss I've endured. He was mine and he was precious and it's hard to cope with his absence. Still.