Cinema d'Idiots

I recently caught an early afternoon matinee of "The Upside of Anger" starring Kevin Costner and Joan Allen. At the time of viewing, there were seven people in the theatre, myself included. So, you can imagine the wide-open seating, my sense of being the only one in the theatre, it being my very own personal screening room, oh the joy and excitement of such a setting! It should have felt like that, but it didn't.

When I took my seat dead-center in the theatre, there were two women in the center back row, being very chatty with one another and an elderly couple whispering in the front row, aisle seats. That left approximately 115 other seats still open.

A few minutes before the previews, two women walked in and took seats in the row in front of me to my right. They were close, but not so close I felt compelled to put my feet on the floor. *yes, I'm one of them* Next, a woman walked in and also chose the row in front of me, directly to my left. The theatre lights were still up, could they not see the 115 remaining seats still available? Do they have no respect for personal boundaries? No, they weren't sitting directly next to me or in front or rear of me, but they were still stifling close considering the vacancy of the theatre.

I, with my standard contraband lunch from Chick-fil-a, decided to just suck it up instead of moving back a couple rows. They'd have to endure the aroma of my lunch as their penance for sitting so close to me.

Throughout the entire film, the women to my lower right talked. One even took a cell call. I was *this* close to flinging a leftover, ketchup-laden waffle fry right on her excessively hairsprayed head, but once again, I sucked it up. I resisted the urge. Where'd I gain such control?, I wondered.

At the end of the movie, the chatty-Cathies from the back row walked down the steps while giving their reviews of the movie. "Cute," one said. I am sorry... did we just see the same film??, I said to myself. What exactly was cute about about a drunk, controlling mother; a missing father; a washed up baseball player; a borderline pedophile and an anorexic?

Cute, yeah, I guess that summed it up.